SOUR GRAPES: Working it all out

By Jim Magdefrau


I’ve finally turned my living area into a gym, since I most likely won’t be joining a health club.

The next step is exercises. Do I get that fancy bicycle with the instructor on a screen who yells at me? I do have a regular bicycle, and have found that I bike faster when a dog barks at me. So I’m saving money there.

Streaming exercises is also fun. And hilarious. The first workout I viewed had someone in a pushup position who moved her leg up to where her arm was and then turned her whole body the opposite way. I had not seen a move like that since “The Exorcist.” I laughed out loud as I sought the nearest recliner, thinking about what the people on the TV screen expect me to be doing.

So I’ve settled into a routine that calls for 20 minutes of work. And since I don’t have all of the equipment required, or the ability, I have been modifying my routine. By modifying, I mean that I’m sitting in a chair and laughing at the video.

It’s then I notice that getting out of the recliner seems to require a lot of my core muscles. It takes a rocking motion and one final push and I’m actually standing.

I’m thinking that took some effort. It could be a new line of exercise videos. First lesson, sitting in the recliner. Second lesson, getting out the recliner. Then it can progress to walking to the TV, walking to the refrigerator, opening a bottle. I can play 70s funk music in the background to keep it flowing. The next level can be bar stools. Stepping up. Stepping down. Spinning 360s. Drinking from the left hand, right hand, both hands. Keeping the back straight while looking at the TV.

And after this, I hope to attain my goal of losing no weight.

I’m typing this while sitting in a chair. Synergy!


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